So you've decided that you're going to do it. You are going to try therapy. But how do you start? How do you find the right therapist for you? There are probably thousands of therapists in your city, each one promising that they can help you. How can you possibly choose? If you're wondering what you should do to find the right therapist for you, keep reading below.

If you've never been to therapy

If you've never been to therapy, it can be incredibly difficult to start. Most people who find a therapist have had some kind of therapy before, so they know a little bit about what they're looking for. But if you're new to this, it may be really tough to figure it out. If your only example of therapy comes from television shows and movies, then you may not have any idea what you're looking for, and you may even be a little bit afraid to start. If that's the case, it's OK to share that with any potential therapist. A good therapist will know that you're a little bit apprehensive and will know how to walk you through the process.

What is talk therapy?

You may have heard the term talk therapy and you may be thinking that it refers to some kind of specific intervention that a therapist will do. Some people even say that talk therapy specifically doesn't work for them. The truth is, talk therapy simply refers to the most common type of therapy, which is when you meet with your therapist and talk through all of your problems and thoughts and emotions with them. Sometimes talk therapy is incredibly helpful for people because it gives them space to experience validation, understand themselves better, and just to be heard and understood by another person. Some people don't like talk therapy because they prefer to do something and feel like they are achieving something each time that they are in session. Talk therapy is just one of those things that some people love and some people don't. But don't fear talk therapy.

What are some of the other therapies besides talk therapy?

If traditional talk therapy doesn't sound like your cup of tea, don't worry, there are plenty of other options out there for you. You could try art therapy, music therapy, equine therapy, animal-assisted therapy, or experiential therapy, just to name a few. In each of these therapies, you would participate in or experience some kind of physical or mental activity and use that activity to process emotions related to whatever your stressor is or your symptoms. Typically in these therapies, talking is kept to a minimum and the focus is primarily on whatever it is that you're actually doing. Unfortunately, most insurance companies won't cover these types of therapy, so you may have to pay for them out of pocket. If these types of therapies interest you, definitely pursue them.

What are you looking for in a therapist?

First, it's important to decide what type of person you feel comfortable talking to. The majority of therapists in the United States are cisgender women. But if you would prefer to talk to somebody who is familiar with trans issues, is nonbinary, or is male. There are plenty of therapists out there who meet that criteria. Also, think about roughly how old you would like your therapist to be. Some people prefer to work with a therapist that's really close to their age because that person is going to understand them culturally a little bit better than others. Some people work prefer to work with somebody who is much older because that person has more life experience and may be able to walk them through life. Don't worry about being discriminatory here. Therapy is about you. It's OK to ask for specifically what you want.

Next, think about other factors. For instance, is it important to you that you have a therapist who has the same religious beliefs as you? Is it important to you that your therapist has the same sexuality as you or the same political beliefs? All of these things are completely OK and it is 100% OK to find somebody who matches these criteria.

Now that you have thought a little bit more about what you want, it's time to hit up a therapist directory.

What is a therapist directory?

A therapist directory is simply a website where therapists can create a listing for themselves that describes who they are and what they do. Typically therapist directories are searchable by the types of interventions or modalities that the therapist does, age, gender, sexuality, and other aspects of them that may be important for you to know.

Therapist directories are free for clients. You should never pay to be advertised to by a therapist.

The biggest therapist directory in the United States is psychologytoday.com. Psychology Today (yep, it’s the same folks from the magazine) allows you to search by gender, modality, location, what they offer, and what insurance companies they take. While not every therapist is on psychologytoday.com, the grand majority of us are.

My personal favorite is therapyden.com. At Therapy Den, therapists are required to stand for progressive issues. And they're required to be inclusive of all people. At Therapy Den you can also sort and search by more information that might be pertinent to you, such as religious affiliations, sexuality, gender spectrum issues, and other aspects of life that may be very important to you.

Some other common therapist directories include goodtherapy.org; mentalhealthmatch.com; and therapist.com. All of these directories do basically the same thing. If you're looking specifically for somebody who takes your insurance. Other good places to look include headway.co. and sondermind.com. These two are both therapist directories that also link directly to therapists that take insurance through their companies. So the nice thing about using them is that if you connect with a therapist on there who is listed as taking your insurance, you know that they definitely do take your insurance.

What to do when you've identified a handful of therapists that you'd like to reach out to?

Once you have identified two to five therapists that you think might be able to help you, it's time to reach out to them. Most therapists will list the preferred way to reach out to them, either on their website or on their listing in the therapist directory. You don't have to worry about their preferred way though. You are the client. You get to choose. Reach out to them in the way that you feel most comfortable.

When you reach out to a therapist, be sure to include important information, such as whether or not you plan to use insurance, and what specifically you're looking to get help with. For example, help with making career decisions, help with anxiety, help with getting better sleep, and help with depression. List whether or not you would like to meet in person or online. And give them a way to contact you back. It's completely OK to request that they contact you a certain way. If you're the type of person who would rather die than be on a phone call, then it's OK to email them or text them and say, "texting me or emailing me is OK, but please don't call"

Unfortunately, it's just the reality that some of the therapists you reach out to will not respond. It's never going to be because of you. Typically, when therapists don't respond, it's because they are either overwhelmed with the number of people reaching out to them or they're overwhelmed with the number of clients that they already have on their caseload. If you reach out to a therapist and they don't respond to you, it's OK to just move on.

How to make your first therapy appointment?

Most therapists offer a free phone consultation before you sign on to be their client. If one of the therapists that you want to work with offers this, definitely take advantage of it. This allows you to talk to the person and figure out if you like them, figure out if you like the sound of their voice, if you feel like they're really listening, and figure out if they are an interrupter or not. Figure out if you feel good about this person or not. This also allows the therapist to ask questions which will help them find out if you are a good fit for them. You may have contacted somebody who's not used to working with somebody who has your issue. And if that's the case, you don't want to waste your time with them.

When you talk to your therapist over the phone, it's completely OK to ask questions, even somewhat personal ones. If it's important to you that you and your therapist have the same religious or political views, it's OK to ask. Not everyone will answer, and you can decide how you feel about that from there. It's OK to be honest and say that you don't know what to say. You don't know what to ask and you don't know what to do. This may be the first or second time in your life that you've had a phone consultation and for the therapist, it may be the first or second time that week. So it's completely OK to ask them to guide you through the process.

At the end of your phone consultation, if both you and your therapist think that you're a good fit, your therapist will typically offer to schedule an appointment. They will then explain to you how they handle scheduling, which is different for each one of us. If you feel comfortable, go ahead and schedule that appointment. And if you don't feel comfortable, it's OK to tell the therapist that you don't think they're the one for you.

Can I just work with my friend's/partner's/co-worker's therapist?

So there's someone in your life who raves about how amazing their therapist is. It seems like all of us have at least one of these people in our life. Isn't it the most logical thing to go work with that therapist? You already know they're amazing, right?

Well, there are two issues with this. One is that most states have laws and ethics boards have rules that state that we cannot have a dual relationship. A dual relationship means that we play two different roles in someone's life. The most common types of dual relationships are the things you know about, like that therapists can't have a sexual relationship with their clients. But a lesser-known type of dual relationship is being the therapist for you, and being your partner's therapist or your best friend's therapist, or your boss's therapist. In that case, we would be playing two different roles in your life. And that isn’t fair to you.

The other reason why you may not be able to work with this person's therapist is that a therapist that's perfect for them may not be perfect for you. Maybe this person's therapist is so ideal for them because they have a similar sense of humor, they have similar backgrounds, or they experience similar types of trauma. Maybe it took them six months to get to the point where they really felt this way about their therapist, and there's someone out there who could be good for you within a few weeks. Just like all therapists are different, all clients are different. And it's important to find somebody who can work well with you specifically.

Now that you’re equipped with the knowledge to find the right therapist for you, go ahead and reach out to one. It’s never too late to be the person who you want to be.

If you are in Colorado Springs, or anywhere in Colorado, and you are interested in working with me, Stacy Andrews, and True Grit Counseling, click on the contact button below. Feel free to reach out and ask me any questions you want. We can schedule a free 15-minute consultation. And if I'm not the therapist for you, I'm happy to give you some referrals to someone who may be a better fit.