There are no bad beats. None. Ever.

Sure, bad things happen and those bad things can really have an impact on you. As a therapist who specializes in performance and complex trauma, I completely understand that bad things happen and can have an overwhelmingly destructive impact on the brain. Even then, I strongly believe that there are no bad beats.

What is a bad beat?

A bad beat is a losing streak; a series of unfortunate events outside of our control that cascade together to create a long period of awful that we are helpless to fight against. It is overwhelming, exhausting, and crippling. And it doesn't exist.

It doesn't exist

Aspects of bad beats exist. People can experience a series of negative events. Sometimes those events make everything seem awful. Often those events are mostly or completely out of our control. But a bad beat also means that we are helpless against it and that we must ride the wave of the bad beat until it mercifully lets us go. This is the part that is false. Awful things are real. Awful emotions are real. Bad beats are not real.

There are no bad beats

This saying comes from Texas Hold 'Em Poker, although many other competitive environments use this terminology as well. Successful poker players recognize that each hand is a separate event which is unrelated to the one before and after. The players are the same, their behaviors are relevant, but the cards themselves start fresh every hand. Even if you're dealt 7/2 off-suit five times in a row, it's never fate. It's always a coincidence.

When a player starts to believe that they are on a "bad beat" their play changes. They become helpless. All of the math and psychology that they've learned disappears, and they are left riding a wave of awful until it magically ends. Maybe they play the 7/2 off-suit (for non-poker players: this is the hand least likely to result in success and is rarely played). Maybe they play whatever the next hand is regardless of how they would normally play it. Failure becomes inevitable, all because the player believed it.

Successful players recognize that there are no bad beats. They still get frustrated with bad hands. They still second-guess themselves. They still struggle with the emotions that come up when things aren't going our way. But they do not given in to failure. They do not become helpless. Helplessness is not an option. They control what they can, let go of the rest, and wait for a hand that they know they can play.

How to apply this to your life

When we decide that there are no bad beats, we change our perspective. We take control of our decisions. We see the good that happens with the bad. We focus on what we can control and what we can do. In that mindset, we are ready to take advantage when an opportunity presents itself. We don't miss it just because it's part of our "bad beat." We don't struggle with helplessness or get caught up in stories about how nothing goes our way. When there are no bad beats we can see everything with a balanced perspective and make our own choices. We are no longer at the whim of our emotions.

Next time you find yourself blaming something on bad luck, on whatever year it is, on the universe hating you, or on things just never going your way, stop. Notice the thought. Make a decision. Tell yourself that there are no bad beats. This isn't a streak of bad luck. It's not fate. It's not permanent. Then decide what you can control, and let go of the rest. Believing that there are no bad beats is a skill that needs to be developed. It won't work perfectly right away. But as you change your mindset, you'll begin to notice the good around you in a way that isn't possible when you believe you're on a losing streak. Success will be attainable. Your life will be yours.