5 Things to Know About Therapy
1 - It's okay to cry in therapy
Very few people truly enjoy crying in front of someone else. It is vulnerable. It makes us feel like we are weak or less than we really are. It is common to hear clients apologize for crying in sessions, and that is unfortunate because it means that they are suffering fear of judgment on top of all of the other painful emotions that they are feeling in that moment.
It is absolutely, 100%, totally and completely okay to cry in front of your therapist, even in the first session. In fact, it is a good thing because you can quickly see how your therapist responds to your emotions and decide how they made you feel about them. Were they supportive? Non-judgmental? Did you feel safe? If so, then maybe you've found the right person for you. If not, maybe check out point #3.
2 - It's okay to tell your therapist that you sometimes think about suicide
In Colorado therapists are mandated to report a client if they are an imminent danger to themselves. This is a fact, and it needs to be stated at the beginning of therapy. That said, if it is clear that a client is not in danger, but is struggling with intense emotions and pain, it is a therapist's obligation to help ease that suffering and guide you to a healthier state of mind. It is not the therapist's goal to harm you, scare you, or immediately hospitalize you.
If you are having these thoughts, please share them. You deserve to learn skills to manage the thoughts and to live without them. A good therapist can help you to find your way out of the darkness. And, if you do share these thoughts and a therapist refers you to someone else, it doesn't mean that you weren't good enough for them. It simply means that they know you'll be more successful with someone else.
If you are in crisis, you can call 1-844-493-8255 or text 38255 to reach a crisis counselor immediately.
3 - It's okay to fire your therapist
Therapists are human and come to this work with their own set of personalities, likes, dislikes, interests, training, and quirks. Sometimes a client finds the perfect therapist for them right away, and that's amazing! Good for that client! Sometimes a client finds themselves sitting in front of someone who isn't right for them. If that's the case, it's okay to fire your therapist.
Your therapist should be someone that you trust with all of the darkest, most hidden parts of yourself. You should feel comfortable sharing these emotions with them. Your therapist should also be trained in the areas that you need. If you find yourself feeling unsafe to share, feeling judged, or feeling like you're not good enough for your therapist, it may be time to fire them. And that's okay.
Quick tip: you can request to stop therapy via whatever method you typically use to communicate with the therapist. It doesn't have to be formal and you don't have to go to a final session (although some will request that and you can choose to honor the request if you wish). It's respectful to cancel appointments a few days in advance but ultimately this is all your decision.
4 - It's okay to tell your therapist that you think they are wrong
Therapists are not infallible. They are human. Therapists sometimes misunderstand, make assumptions, experience something called "countertransference," and sometimes they simply make mistakes. There may be times when your therapist tells you that they believe that you're feeling something that you are not feeling. If that happens, it's okay to tell them that you disagree. It's okay to tell them why. A good therapist will welcome this, as it provides greater insight into you and your thought-process. They will also welcome feedback and the opportunity to learn how they can provide you with better service. And, if your therapist doesn't seem to think this is okay, refer to point #3.
5 - It's okay be in therapy for a while
Many people come into therapy anticipating that they will only need a month or two of help and then stay several months longer. Many don't. Both are just fine. Often a client will find a therapist who just "gets" them, and when this happens it's okay to want to keep working with them. Usually a variety of emotions and experiences come up in therapy, and if you've found a therapist that you trust and enjoy working with, it is absolutely okay to continue working with them on new issues and new goals. There isn't a specific length of time that therapy should last. It's up to you. It's your therapy. You get to choose.
Do you have more questions about therapy?
If you’re curious about therapy for anxiety, trauma, or help with managing perfectionism and overachievement, I can help. Click on the button below to email me with any questions that you have about therapy or to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.