How do I stick to my New Year’s resolution?
It's a common trope that New Year's resolutions are a one-way ticket to failure. Yet, every year the topic comes up again. New Year's resolutions don't have to fizzle away by March. If you want to find out how you can stop the anxiety of the new year and create a New Year's resolution that you can reach, read on below:
What's your why?
Many resolutions fail because they really don't matter that much to us. The most common New Year's resolutions are typically things that society says we need in order to be "better" humans. Things like "getting into shape," or "learning a new language," or "getting better with money" are kind of arbitrary. People set them because it is socially acceptable or encouraged, and then struggle with the motivation to even get started.
Goals need to have a purpose, and that purpose needs to be specific to yourself and your core values. If your goal does not have a "why" that resonates with you, you will never develop the motivation to complete it.
Instead of setting an arbitrary goal and hoping to stick to it, start with identifying your purpose, your passions, and what gives your life meaning. This doesn't have to be a grand, intimidating question for your overall life. It can be something small. What gives you a sense of purpose? What drives you? Do you like challenge? Helping others? Peacefulness? Connection? Wealth? Success?
Once you have identified what gives you meaning and purpose then you can identify goals that match your motivation. Do you find purpose and meaning in connection? Then create resolutions based around connection. Do you find purpose and meaning in success? Then create resolutions based around success.
When we create goals that have meaning for us, rather than just picking something that we feel like we have to do because it's expected, we are able to create intrinsic motivation to reach the goal.
Make your goals specific
Now you have a goal that is based on your why. Great! The next step is to be specific. Let's say that you gain purpose from connection and challenge, so you choose to learn a new language this year. Learning a new language will allow you to connect with others, and it is definitely a challenge for most of us. Communicating with a whole new set of people and learning new cultures gives you purpose. It has meaning.
Now, make it specific. Learning a new language is too broad to be attainable. Same goes for things like, "getting into shape" or "cutting back on alcohol" or "starting a podcast." None of these are specific. How will you know you're in shape? What does "in shape" mean to you? How much alcohol can you still drink? How will you stop yourself from drinking more? A goal needs to be specific in order to be attainable.
Instead of "I'm going to learn a new language," think about what your reason is for learning one. If it is connection, maybe you want to choose a second-language that is common in your area. If it is for a challenge, maybe you want to learn a second-language that uses an alphabet that is different from yours. Identify what language you will choose and why. For instance, I would choose Spanish because it is more common in my area of the world and connects to a vibrant culture that I enjoy. So my goal would become: "I will learn conversational Spanish so that I can communicate with others when I travel and with people here at home."
A goal without a plan is just a dream
Now you have your purpose and your goal. Nice work! How will you reach your goal? What steps will you take this year? Next month? Tomorrow? How will you know when you have reached it? The next step is to make a detailed plan.
A plan should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. You should be able to answer what you will do, when you will do it, how you will do it and how you will know that you have done it. If you set a goal with all of these questions in mind, you are more likely to reach that goal.
Using our "learn another language" example, we have already determined something specific: learning conversational Spanish. We can make it more specific: learning to converse in Spanish about things in the past, present, and future that are related to my hobbies and interests.
How will you know when you have accomplished this? How will you measure it? For some goals this is easier than others. For instance, if your goal is to run a 5k in 30 minutes, you have your measurement. For learning Spanish, can set a goal to be able to watch a 30-minute children's show entirely in Spanish, or to be able to write a one-page blog post about your work in Spanish. You can choose whatever you want, as long as you can define the exact moment when you will know you have accomplished your goal.
How will you get to your goal? This is probably the most important aspect of setting a resolution that you can reach. You must define how you will reach that goal, and it needs to be specific. You can't "get into shape" if your plan is to "workout more." It's too nebulous. You can't learn a new language if you're just watching random videos in various languages on YouTube. How will you actually reach your goal?
In our example of learning conversational Spanish, we could take a live class, which will have built-in deadlines and structure for reaching our goals. We could download a language app, commit to practicing with a podcast three times a week, or challenge ourselves by connecting with a language-learning group in town and meeting with them at least once per week.
You don't have to create something impossible. You just need to know how you will actually reach your goal. In this example, we might say, "I will reach this goal by listening to 10 minutes of a Spanish-language teaching podcast each day and meet with my online language learning group once per month."
Build rewards into your plan
Humans need rewards and acknowledgment to continue to have motivation to do something. Think of the goals that you have been able to reach in the past. Usually there are rewards built in along the way. For instance, kids in the U.S. are in school from the ages of approximately 5-18. If the only tangible reward was getting a high-school diploma at the end, it would be a complete slog. So, we build in rewards. Every year is a new milestone. If you do well, you get to do more interesting things. We build in field trips and interactive lessons as small rewards throughout the whole experience.
Find a way to build smaller and larger rewards into your plan. They can be related to your goal or can be something that you just find rewarding. Your reward can be anything as long as it doesn't derail your progress. Rewards can be tangible, such as travel, buying something you want, or letting yourself sleep in. They can also be intangible. You can look at your progress, compare the new you to the old you, or journal about how much you have learned and accomplished.
Find out whatever is rewarding to you and build it into your plan. For example, a reward for learning Spanish could be that you earn dinner at your favorite restaurant, or that you can start a conversation with a friend who speaks Spanish. You could also set a long-term reward of traveling to a Spanish-speaking country, and set aside money or make plans as you progress toward your goal.
You determine what you actually find rewarding and build it into your plan. This is about what matters to you, not what matters to anyone else.
Acknowledge your progress
Make sure to acknowledge your progress as you move toward your goal. You can do this in a journal, in an app, or just on a to-do list. How you acknowledge your progress is up to you. But you must acknowledge it on a regular basis. You also deserve to acknowledge it on a regular basis! Reaching goals is effing hard! You should be acknowledged.
Using our Spanish learning example, maybe you have an ongoing checklist on your refrigerator and you mark every lesson that you've completed. Maybe you check in each month with an online test and see if you have passed another level. Choose something that resonates with you. It doesn't matter what it is, just be sure to acknowledge your progress regularly.
Show, not tell
Sharing your goals makes them less achievable. How many times have you told a group of people that you are definitely going to reach a goal, and then start losing your motivation to do it? When we share our goals with others, we typically receive encouragement from them. Sometimes they even brag about it to others. When humans get encouragement from other humans, we receive a little hit of dopamine - just enough to feel like we've achieved the reward of reaching the goal. Then the dopamine wears off and so does our motivation.
You don't have to keep everyone completely in the dark about what you are doing. Feel free to share your goals with others. Just make sure that you are focusing on what you are working on, rather than the end goal.
For example, telling someone that you are working on learning conversational Spanish does not have the same dopamine reward as telling someone that you're "going to learn Spanish and travel to Buenos Aires next year." When we say that we feel a short high in the moment, followed by a loss of motivation. This is because of the dopamine hit.
If you want to create a new year's resolution that will stick, just make sure to keep your goals specific, know how you will reach them, give yourself small rewards, acknowledge your progress, and keep your end goals to yourself for a while. You'll reach your goal before you know it.
If you're in Colorado Springs and you're interested in learning more about goal-setting, overcoming past trauma or anxiety, or getting support to reach your own performance goals, I can help. Click on the button below to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can find out more about True Grit Performance Counseling and decide if I am the right counselor for you. There's no obligation, so contact me today!