How do you know when therapy is working?
So, you have started therapy. YAY! Good for you! You have taken an important step toward good mental health. And now you may be asking yourself "how do I know that therapy is working?" It's common to wonder if all the time and money that we have invested into therapy is working and it's not always obvious that it is. If you're wondering how do you know when therapy is working, keep reading for insights into how to find out.
You're feeling better
The most obvious way to figure out if therapy is working is to ask yourself, "Do you feel better?" After a few weeks (and sometimes even after the first session) most people start to feel a little bit better. Maybe life doesn't seem quite as difficult. Maybe you feel a little bit less alone. Oftentimes people feel a little better just knowing that they aren't completely crazy and that what they are feeling is pretty normal. If you notice that you're feeling better, even if it's just a little bit, then that's a sign that therapy is working.
You're feeling worse (but in a good way!)
Sometimes when we start therapy we feel better and then after a few months we feel a bit worse. If you're experiencing this you may be thinking that therapy isn't working for you. It's normal to feel a little bit worse once the newness of therapy wears off. After all, before you were in therapy you never had to talk about anything awful or how bad you were feeling and now you talk about it every week. It's normal to feel a little down when you are talking about hard things.
If you're feeling some sadness or irritability or wishing that you could just have a session where you talk about positive things, that's pretty normal. (And you should definitely let your therapist know!) Just keep in mind that there is a limit to how difficult being in therapy should be. A little bit of sadness, anxiety, or being annoyed is okay. If you find yourself dreading each session, canceling at the last minute pretty frequently, or wanting to stop going to therapy entirely then it's time to consider working with another therapist or taking a break.
Therapy is a bit like exercise. If you haven't exercised in a while, you'll probably feel some muscle strain. Maybe you feel tired or your joints ache a bit. A little bit of strain is expected if you haven't worked out in a while. But, just like with exercise, if you're feeling unable to function or if you have to stop doing therapy to keep from getting injured (psychological injury is a thing) then something is probably wrong.
If you're feeling worse than when you started, be sure to mention this to your therapist. We are trained to accept feedback and we want to know what you are experiencing. Maybe there's something that can change. For instance, in my practice, if a client is feeling worse than we switch things up and focus on positive things for a while to build hope and encouragement. It's okay to tell your therapist "I feel worse now than before therapy."
You've noticed changes in how you think
When you're in therapy, sometimes the changes you make are big, obvious, and life changing. But mostly the changes are pretty subtle. Maybe you notice something that normally would have upset you didn't feel like a big deal. Maybe you notice that you're able to laugh a little bit more freely. Maybe you notice that you're falling asleep a little earlier or that it's easier for you to talk to your boss. Often we don't even notice the small, incremental changes in therapy until our therapist points them out! If you're noticing positive changes in how you think of yourself or how you think about the world around you, that's a sign that therapy is working for you.
You've learned something about yourself
Therapists will usually teach their clients about psychology, the brain, and why people act the way they do. We even have a fancy word for it - 'psychoeducation.' Licensed mental health professionals have studied the human brain, behavior, and human interactions for 2-5 or more years and they have a wealth of knowledge that they want to share with you to help you understand yourself and others.
If you have started to learn something about yourself, whether it's your core values; your sense of purpose; why you get so angry at small things; why you feel irrationally afraid sometimes; or why you do any of the things you do, then therapy is probably working for you. The main purpose of therapy is to develop an understanding of yourself and to develop skills to help you manage daily life in a healthy way. If you have learned something about yourself then therapy is probably working.
You feel hope
Often people try therapy when they are feeling hopeless. Maybe you have tried everything that you can think of and nothing has worked. So, you give therapy a try. It's pretty common to come to therapy feeling like you have low or no hope to change or get better.
After a few weeks, you may start to notice that you feel a little bit of hope. Maybe your problems don't seem as bad. Or you realize that you can fix them. Maybe you feel more hopeful about being able to connect with others because you've connected with your therapist. Maybe you've learned some tools to manage your emotions and they're working! If you have noticed that you're feeling just a little bit more hopeful than before, that's a sign that therapy is working.
What if therapy isn't working?
If you have read through this list and feel like none of it applies to you then there is a chance that therapy isn't working for you. If you feel like therapy isn't working, reach out to your therapist and let them know. Not every therapist is the right fit for every client, and not every therapy modality (the things that therapists are actually doing to help you) is the right fit either. If you feel like therapy isn't working for you, don't give up. Ask your therapist if you can try something new.
If you want to quit therapy
You can. But I don't recommend it.
Therapy is almost always voluntary. Unless you are court-ordered to be in therapy, you can literally quit at any time. Nothing is stopping you.
Before you quit, ask yourself why you started therapy. You probably had an important reason to subject yourself to something that is so hard and expensive, and that reason still matters.
If you want to quit, let your therapist know. Your therapist can help you explore your reasons for quitting and, if it turns out that you're not with the right therapist, they can help you find the right one for you. Don't give up on all of therapy just because you met a therapist that you don't like. You deserve to feel better and the right therapist for you is out there. Keep trying.
If you are in Colorado and are interested in learning more about therapy with me, Stacy Andrews, LPC, click on the button below.