Just say no
Working overtime. Making an allergen-free veggie plate for the kids school. Going to your co-workers party on Friday night, even though you just want to watch Netflix on the couch. Why is it so hard to say no? You’ve heard the pithy quotes. “‘No’ is a complete sentence,” etc. You understand the concept. Yet you still find yourself struggling to draw up the energy to go to your neighbor’s barbeque because you said you would four days ago. Why?
It’s because we feel like we need a reason
If your child’s birthday was the same day as your neighbor’s barbeque, how easy would it be for you to decline? There would be no sense of shame or failure. Your child is a higher priority because you value your family. But when we are making excuses because we simply don’t want to go suddenly we feel guilt or shame because it feels like we don’t have a “good reason” to say no. We become anxious and worry how others will see us if we just say no.
You have a reason
What are your values? What is important to you? Is it family? Friends? Honesty? Money? Self-improvement? Achievement? Think about what your top values are. Make a list. Write down your top 5 values and put the list someplace where you can see it every day.
Everything you do must support those values
Every. Single. Thing. You. Do. Must. Support. These. Values. Some things that you do are obvious: you spend time with family because family is your top value. Some things are less obvious: you pay your rent because you need housing for your family. You brush your teeth so that you’ll be healthy into old age to support your family. Everything you do must support your top 5 values. Get rid of anything that isn’t.
Just say no
Let’s say your values are family, friends, honesty, money, and self-improvement. Does going to your co-worker’s party support those values? Not really. So say no to that one. You can’t go because you’re focusing on your family or friends. You can’t go because you’re conserving energy for self-improvement. You can’t go because you’re saving money. You don’t have to give the reason - that’s just for you - but you have your reason now, so just say no.
Setting boundaries is anxiety therapy
The first time you set boundaries, it will be stressful. Anytime we start something new it’s stressful. But as you start to set and maintain boundaries, you’ll notice that your anxiety goes down. Your confidence goes up. Eventually, you don’t even worry about it anymore. Setting boundaries becomes second nature. By setting boundaries you are creating your own anxiety treatment, tailored specifically to who you are and what you believe.
If you have questions or would like to learn more about anxiety treatment in Denver, contact me today to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.