What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a term that gets thrown around a lot on the internet, particularly when it comes to relationships and the workplace. People sometimes believe that their toxic boss or selfish ex must have NPD. Some of us see NPD everywhere. But, what is NPD? How is it diagnosed? What causes it? And what do you do if you think you might have NPD?
What is a personality disorder?
A personality disorder is defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5 (DSM-5) as "an enduring pattern of inner experience and behavior that deviates markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture." These differences typically show up in the way the person thinks about the world (cognition) and in the way they act (affectivity). The individual symptoms of any personality disorder don't matter nearly as much as the intensity and consistency of the symptoms.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
NPD is a personality disorder that involves "grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy." This often involves a sense of entitlement; preoccupation with success, power, brilliance, or ideal love; taking advantage of others; envy; and arrogance, which become damaging to themselves and the people around them.
NPD typically begins to develop in early adulthood and involves consistent and intense selfishness, as well as an inability to recognize the feelings of others or simply not caring about the feelings of others. They often see others as pawns who are to be used and maneuvered to meet their own expectations of high status. This attitude is pervasive in their life. It shows up in work, with family and friends, in romantic relationships, and in day-to-day life.
Does everyone have NPD?
It's easy to look at the list of criteria and think that you or someone you know may have NPD because every one of us has experienced at least one of these criteria at some point in our lives. Every one of us has met someone who we perceive as entitled, arrogant, or just a jerk. Every one of us has thought that we deserved more or that we were better than someone else at some point in our lives. We are more likely to focus on ourselves and our needs when we are in times of stress, burnout, or anxiety. It's easy to see someone who is experiencing these things and think that they must have NPD.
Self-centered behavior, anger, irritability, and even entitlement are normal aspects of the human experience. We often engage in these things as a defense when we are feeling threatened or our needs aren't being met. The difference between someone having a bad day or year and someone with NPD is the consistency throughout their life and the intensity of the self-centered behavior, as well as the disregard for how it's affected others.
Only professionals should diagnose NPD
There are many websites, YouTube Channels, blogs, and message boards dedicating to providing all kinds of information to support an NPD diagnosis of someone you know, particularly someone you may have dated. These sites are dangerous, because they often include misinformation. Even information provided by professionals can be misleading at times. NPD and other personality disorders are incredibly stigmatizing, and telling someone that you think they have NPD is not going to help anyone change. If they don't have NPD, you'll likely hurt them deeply. And if they do have NPD, by definition they won't care what anyone thinks of it. It's okay to say that someone hurt you, that their actions are toxic, or that you don't trust them. It's not okay to diagnose them with NPD.
How do you know if you have NPD?
You may be wondering if you have NPD. If you are, then there's good news: someone who truly has NPD doesn't care enough about what others think to ask this question. Some people who are diagnosed with NPD can even be proud of it. If you have a sinking feeling like you may have NPD, that indicates that you care about what others think and don't want to hurt other people. Which means you are extremely unlikely to have NPD.
If you recognize some traits of NPD in yourself, you may be struggling with your mental health. Many of us can be a little self-centered when we are in the midst of depression, anxiety, or recovering from trauma. If you're concerned, reach out to a therapist who is trained in personality disorders, complex trauma, or depression and anxiety. They can help you to understand yourself and to find ways to improve your mental health so that you can connect with others.
If you're in Colorado and you want to learn more about yourself, overcome anxiety and develop skills to reach your goals, go ahead and schedule your free consultation with Stacy Andrews, MA, LPCC, NCC today.