What is self care?
A lot of people are talking about self care, especially after COVID-19. This has become a media buzzword, and it seems like everyone is telling you that you need self care. But, what is self care? What does it mean? Why is it important?
Self care refers to anything you do that meets your physical and psychological needs. Our physical needs are food, water, shelter, rest, and sex. Our psychological needs include fun, growth, connection, significance, autonomy, and safety. When we do something that is specifically intended to meet one or more of these needs, we are engaging in self care.
Self care isn't self-indulgence.
The stereotypical self care suggestion is a glass of wine and a bath. Sometimes people will suggest indulgent actions, such as shopping, eating desserts, staying up late, etc. While these suggestions can be considered self care when done in moderation, they often create larger problems and take us further away from caring for ourselves. For instance, shopping seems like amazing self care until you look at your bank account, and eating dessert feels amazing until it doesn't.
True self care involves taking care of yourself and meeting your needs. If you feel the need to go shopping or to stay up all night, you may need more fun in your life. If you want to eat carb-heavy foods, you may be craving connection with others.
Self care is about more than wine and bubble baths.
Self care is about meeting your own needs so that you can be 100% ready to take on whatever is in front of you. Eating a healthy meal is self care. Spending time outside is self care. Getting enough rest is self care. Connecting with friends and family is self care. Sometimes disconnecting from others is self care. Choosing to spend time on a hobby instead of a social obligation is self care. Setting and reaching a personal goal is self care. Going to therapy is self care.
Self care can take five minutes or it can take 5 days. There isn't a required amount of time for something to be self care. Just choose something that sounds exciting or nourishing or relaxing to you, and do it. Take care of yourself.
Self care is not selfish.
The definition of selfish is, "putting your wants above someone else's needs." Self care is about meeting your own needs. It isn't selfish to meet your needs. Our physical and psychological needs must be met to survive. Taking a break, doing something fun and engaging, carving out time for exercise, therapy, or spending time with loved ones is necessary for survival.
We live in a culture that focuses on productivity to a toxic extent. We often feel that our jobs expect us to perform 24/7 and that we must always be doing something; working, cleaning, going to school, building a side hustle, volunteering, going to church. While all of these can be self care, if we are doing them at our own expense or to meet someone else's expectations, then it's not meeting our needs. If your boss expects you to put aside your needs (fun, connection, rest, etc.) to help meet a revenue goal (a want) then you are not the selfish one.
Find the self care that is right for you
For some people, the best self care is wine and bubble baths. For others it's trail running, and for others it's watching Netflix on a quiet Sunday afternoon. Find the self care that is right for you. Self care isn't a competition. What works for someone else may not work for you. Figure out what you need to survive and thrive. If you're hungry, eat a healthy meal. If you're bored, do something fun and new. If you're lonely, connect with a friend. Anything you do to meet your needs is self care.
If you struggle to find time for self care due to overachievement, perfectionism, or anxiety, I can help. At True Grit, I offer tools and resources to help you understand yourself, your core values, and to help you learn to reach your goals and thrive. If you're curious about therapy or have questions, click on the contact button below. You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation, or email me with any questions that you have. There's no obligation, so what's stopping you? Start today.