Why do I feel worse after therapy?
It happened again. You’ve come home from another therapy session. And even though this one was good and you felt like you got some good stuff off your chest, now all you can think about is how empty, sad and anxious you feel. You try to do the things that your therapist told you to do; focusing on the present moment, breathing, maybe even some tapping, but none of it is working and all you can think of is that you feel so much worse than you did before you went to therapy today.
If this happens to you, know that you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you as a client. And while it's normal to sometimes feel worse after therapy, it's not something that you have to endure every week. To learn more about why sometimes you feel worse after therapy and what to do to feel better, continue reading below.
Why do I feel worse after therapy?
There are a lot of different reasons why you might feel worse after therapy. Sometimes we struggle with something called a ‘therapy hangover’, which basically means that we emotionally drained ourselves more than we were prepared to and our brain is just naturally stopping us from continuing to feel any more emotions. This is especially normal and common if you are new to working with your therapist and you shared a lot of things that you typically wouldn’t say to people. It can also happen if you say something even to your long time therapist if it’s something that you’ve never told anyone before. Sometimes it even happens if you find yourself talking about the same event with a bunch of different people this week, including your therapist. Regardless of the reason you feel this way, it’s normal to feel like you’ve said too much, you’ve felt too much, and your body is just going numb so that you don’t have to experience it anymore.
Another reason why people sometimes feel worse after trauma therapy is because they talked about a trauma that they weren’t ready to talk about yet. Often with trauma, the first thing that we want to do is talk about whatever painful thing happened to us. This is a normal thing for humans to want to do. But when you talk about your trauma, parts of our brain will feel like it happened all over again. When that happens, our brain will have a trauma response, which can result in post-traumatic symptoms like dissociation, depression, numbness, freezing, spiraling, overthinking, muscle tension, and exhaustion.
If you feel anxious after therapy, sometimes that can happen if you’ve experienced rejection when you’ve talked about your emotions in the past. This is common in anxiety treatment. Even though you may recognize that your therapist is a good person, that they care about you and that listening as part of their job, there can still be a part of your brain that is worried that your therapist might reject you or judge you, or laugh at you, just like people did before. If this happens, you might find yourself feeling really anxious and really wishing that you hadn’t said anything to your therapist.
Whatever the reason you have for feeling bad after therapy, know that it doesn’t have to happen. There are things that you can do and ways that you can work with your therapist to stop that from happening in the future.
How to feel better after therapy
So if you’re reading this after a therapy session and you’re wondering, how can you feel better? Here are some things that you can do.
Focus on the present moment
In therapy, we talk a lot about focusing on the present moment. And if you’re struggling right now with regretting something you said in therapy, it might feel like you don’t want to focus on the present moment. But the reason why we focus on the present moment is because if our brain can see that we are totally safe in this exact moment, we will feel less anxiety or less depression.
Take a moment and look around you. Can you see out a window? Can you see any animals? Is there a favorite plant or a favorite painting, or a favorite poster or picture that you like? Take a moment and look at something that’s interesting and describe it to yourself. As thoughts come in, just let them go by and keep focusing on the present moment. Do this for a few minutes, and then check in and see how you feel.
Distract yourself
Distraction is not bad. Sometimes we think that anytime we try to stop our brain from thinking about whatever’s worrying us or bothering us, that we’re doing the wrong thing. Our brain sometimes needs distraction in order to function. If you’re ruminating or overthinking about your therapy session, find something else to focus on. Maybe it’s your favorite TV show. Maybe it’s a podcast you’ve been wanting to listen to. Maybe it’s Tik Tock or Instagram. Any of those are okay. If you can distract yourself for a few minutes, you might find that you feel a little bit better.
Talk to a friend or loved one
Talking to a friend or loved one can help. Just make sure that you talk to them about how you’re feeling right now or something unrelated to whatever you talked about in your therapy session. (You don’t want to re traumatize your brain again). Connect with them and let them know that you are feeling anxious or sad or depressed or down. Sometimes human connection is enough to remind us that we’re okay and that everything is going to be all right.
Play with your pets
If you have pets now is a good time to play with them. Our pets constantly live in the present moment. And when we play with them, they help us to live in the present moment. If you’re feeling anxious or down or upset, now is a good time to go outside and play with your dog or grab some string and play with your cat. Spending time with our pets can be very helpful, both as a distraction and as connection, when you need to get out of a dark space.
Should I tell my therapist?
It’s important to tell your therapist that you’re feeling bad after the therapy sessions. This can be a hard conversation to have because people are afraid that their therapist will take it personally. But the truth is, most of us won’t. Most of us really want to know if what we’re doing is negatively impacting you. We want to be able to help you. And we can help you. We can also change things so that you can still benefit from therapy without feeling bad afterwards.
If you're struggling to figure out how to tell your therapist, just go ahead and tell them. Just say, “after therapy, I usually feel pretty bad. Is there a way that we can change that?” Tell them what you’re experiencing. Are you sad? Are you frozen? Are you numb? Are you suicidal? Whatever you’re experiencing, let them know and work with them on a plan to be able to benefit from therapy without feeling terrible afterwards.
By the way, if you tell your therapist that you’re feeling bad after therapy and your therapist tells you that that’s a normal part of the process and to accept it, you might want to consider working with somebody else. While it is normal to feel bad after therapy, it is not a required part of the process, and it is entirely possible for you to meet your treatment goals without feeling bad after your sessions.
How to prevent feeling worse after therapy in the future
The best way to prevent feeling worse after therapy in the future is to create a plan with your therapist. Your therapist can help you explore exactly what it is that’s causing you to feel bad after therapy. Once you both know what’s causing it, you can work together to figure out ways to avoid it.
For example, if you’re experiencing dissociation after therapy because you’re talking too in depth about trauma, you can work with your therapist to figure out a signal where you can decide if this is too much to talk about right now. You can also create a plan for your therapist to check in periodically through the session, just to see how you’re feeling. If you’re feeling bad, or if you’re feeling anxious, your therapist can then change the subject or work with you on ways to be able to calm your brain and your body so that you are able to do more of the work. There are a lot of different options of ways that you can handle this in the future. But it’s important to create a plan with your therapist and work together towards the goal of feeling better after therapy, not worse.
If you’re looking for counseling in Colorado Springs or online therapy in Colorado, reach out to me. I offer a free 15 minute consultation where you can ask questions and decide if you think I’m the right fit. There’s no obligation, so reach out today.