Coping with another nationwide trauma
Yesterday we suffered another mass shooting. Another one in an elementary school. Mass shootings occur in the United States every single day. And most of them make the news. In fact, there was just another one last week in Buffalo. When these mass shootings occur, they're hard to ignore. And when the victims are small children, it's devastating for all of us.
It's obviously devastating for the families of the children. It's devastating for the first responders, for the teachers and for the town. There are people for whom this is a life-changing trauma. And we know that. And because of that, we may feel like it is not a trauma for us. Most of us get the luxury of going about our lives, being angry for a day or two, and then moving forward. And for those of us who are fortunate enough to be in this position, we often feel as though any negative emotion or difficult emotion that we have about the situation is wrong for us to have.
The fact is, this is a nationwide trauma. There is no way that someone can be exposed to knowing that children died in their classrooms just before they were supposed to graduate to their next grade, being shot to death by an 18-year-old with an AR15, and simply be okay. Whether you believe in gun control or you think it is the worst thing that we could do, it doesn't matter. For the grand majority of us, we have significant pain knowing that these children died in such a horrific way.
It is very difficult to know how to handle this if you aren't directly touched by it. You may feel sadness, anger, frustration. You may feel emptiness. Hopeless. You may feel like giving up. Some of you may have had thoughts of death for the first time in a long time. Some of you may have struggled with wanting to get out of bed this morning. Some of you may be fired up wanting to go out and solve the problem anyway that you can. Some of you may feel like you have to ignore it just to survive. Some of you may have felt everything. All of those emotions are okay.
Our country has experienced collective traumas nonstop for the last several years. And we are struggling to continue to be able to handle them. We have experienced an overall increase in symptoms of anxiety and depression, primarily due to the impact of the pandemic, but also due to economic and political worries that have been pervasive for the last several years. When we are currently experiencing this high level of stress and then suddenly we are faced with another traumatic loss to violence, we cannot simply just put our feelings aside because we feel like it would be wrong for us to share them.
This is a trauma that has happened to all of us. This is a trauma that has happened to the entire world. It is your trauma, too. And it is okay to talk about it.
I encourage you to resist the urge to hide your feelings. Obviously you do not want to take away from the pain of the families involved, but you're not doing that by sharing your pain with your friends, your family, and definitely with your therapist.
Your therapist is there specifically to help you. We are trained to be able to take on people's pain without carrying it with us and without it ruining our day. If you need to talk about this trauma or any other trauma, regardless of whether or not it happened to you, please reach out for help.
In times of crisis and grief
In times of crisis and grief, we all need connection. Reach out to your friends. Reach out to your neighbors. Reach out to Internet communities. Reach out to your therapist. Reach out to your colleagues.
In times of crisis and grief, we all need rest. It is okay to turn the television off. It is okay to avoid social media. It is okay to avoid the news about this tragedy or any other trauma. Preserving yourself and your ability to cope is always okay.
In times of crisis and grief, we still need laughter and joy. We still need to be able to connect with what makes us human. What gives us meaning, and what makes us feel content in our lives. While we know that the families of the victims, and all those who have been touched directly by yet another mass shooting, will not be able to connect with their joy and laughter anytime soon, they do not gain anything from us avoiding our joy and our laughter. It doesn't protect them or help them. It just creates more trauma for all of us.
So it is absolutely okay to watch your favorite movie. To laugh with your friends. It's okay to go out and have fun. It's okay to read a book or watch something that is just complete trash. That's totally fine. Do what you need to to be okay. We can’t do anything to stop the tide of violence if we are stuck in survival mode ourselves.
If you find that you are haunted by this, or if other memories have started coming up for you. If you find that you're feeling increased anxiety or even you just need a place to rant. Therapy is there for you. Therapy works. If you're in Colorado and need help with anxiety or trauma, you can reach out to me. If you're outside of Colorado or you have, or you're interested in working with somebody else. You can search on the sites below to find somebody in your area who takes your insurance.
You don't have to suffer through all of this alone. But if you are suffering through it alone, please know that your emotions are okay. You have permission to be sad, angry, or numb. And you have permission to reach out for support.