Questions to Ask a New Therapist: How to Find the Right One for You
So, you're thinking about therapy? Great! Deciding to get help for your mental health is a brave and important decision. But with so many therapists out there, how do you find the right one for you? This guide will teach you everything you need to know about interviewing potential therapists, from what questions to ask to what to look for in a good fit. Don't stress – taking care of your mental health is worth the effort!
What is a therapist consultation call?
Most therapists that you reach out to will offer a consultation call. A consultation call, which is typically about 15 minutes in length, is an opportunity for you to ask questions of a new potential therapist. You can get to know what they sound like, and how they interact with you and make a decision about whether or not this is somebody that you want to schedule an appointment with. Consultation calls are not required, but they do help you to make a decision sooner before you've spent any money.
If a therapist does not offer a consultation call, you can still go ahead and book the first appointment with them. Some therapists choose to eliminate consultation calls because they simply don't have time and would rather spend that time working directly with clients. Some don't offer them because they feel like they'd rather spend a full hour getting to know you as opposed to just 15 minutes. If a therapist doesn't offer them, it doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't a good fit, or that they don't care about their clients. But if a consultation call is offered, you definitely want to take advantage of it.
Questions to ask yourself before your consultation call.
Everyone handles their consultation calls differently, but your therapist will probably ask you about your goals at some point. Take some time before the consultation called to ask yourself some important questions about your goals. Most people contact a therapist because they want to feel better or do better at something in their life. So be more specific in what your goals are. What would feeling better look like to you? Do you want to be able to get out of bed in the morning? Do you struggle with anxiety and always feel like you're not good enough? Is there a specific goal that you want to reach either in your career or in relationships and do you think that you need help with that? You don't need to have those answers perfectly laid out before the consultation call, but you do want to have a general idea of what it is that you want to work on with your therapist.
Also, ask yourself how do you want therapy to look? Do you want it to be more lighthearted? Do you want to be serious? Do you want somebody that you can talk to about your day, or do you just want to get down to the work that you're doing without any small talk? Do you just want to talk to your therapist or do you want to do other things like art or music or practice mindfulness? Get an idea of what you're expecting therapy to look like and what you would enjoy.
Questions to ask during your consultation call.
Once you have a general idea of what your goals are and how you would like to work, you can ask the therapist questions in your consultation call. Any question that you want is on the table. Remember, though, that therapists can choose not to answer questions.
You don't have to ask these specific questions to have a good result, but this is a guideline for you to move forward.
What do you think helps people to change?
The reason why you're seeking out a therapist is to find someone who can help you go through the process of changing thoughts and behaviors that aren't helping you right now. By asking this question, you're asking how do you think people grow?
The answers that you get are going to vary. You may get some people who give a simple answer about how people grow and change. You might have somebody provide a scientific answer that involves elements of neuroscience. You might have somebody who even says, "I don't know how people change. I just know that they do." There are no wrong answers to this question, but keep in mind that you want to make sure that the answer is something that feels good to you. If you're somebody who is very scientifically minded, you might not want to hear, "I don't know." And that's OK. If you're someone who thinks that science takes the soul out of psychology, then maybe you will like someone who says, "you know, I don't know, but let's jump in and make this work." There's no wrong way to go with this. Just make sure that you follow your gut.
What does a typical therapy session look like for you?
This is another one that doesn't have any wrong answers. You're just asking to see if this person would be a good fit for you. Most therapists are probably going to answer with some kind of variation of the statement, "It depends." And that's OK. If they say, "every session is different, so I don't know how to answer that." Then go ahead and ask a little bit deeper. Ask how would our first session be or what would the first few sessions be like?
The goal here is to figure out if this is a person who is a good fit for you. Do you want somebody who is going to lead and educate throughout the session? Do you want somebody who is going to spend the majority of the time listening to you without interrupting? Do you want somebody who is going to give you homework, assign skills, and help you practice things? Whatever you want is fine, but this is your chance to find out if this person sees therapy the same way that you do.
How would you help somebody who has my goals?
You could also ask how they help people with depression or people with anxiety? The important part of this is that the answer is satisfactory to you. Some people are going to give a specific list of modalities that are evidence-based. Some people will say that they listen and help guide the person. Some people will give you metaphors. The answer isn't that important. Just make sure that the answer feels right to you. If the journey that this person is proposing doesn't feel good to you, then they're not a right fit. But if you listen to what they say and you're excited to work with them, then they may be a good fit for you.
What are your policies with payment insurance etc.
Make sure to cover these before you schedule your first session. You don't want to be surprised by a bill that you weren't expecting or to find out that the person does not take your insurance.
Red flags when looking for a therapist.
There isn't a list of specific questions that are going to find the absolute perfect therapist for you. At some point, you are going to have to work with them and schedule at least a few paid sessions before you can find out if they're "the one." But here are some red flags to look out for when you're talking to a potential new therapist. Keep in mind this is my opinion. There's no scientific fact behind these statements. But as somebody who has been both a therapist and a therapy client, these are the things that I look out for when I'm looking for someone new to work with:
Does this person actually answer your questions? Are they giving direct clear answers or are they talking around it?
Does this person feel comfortable answering questions? And if there's a question they don't want to answer, do they explain why?
How much of their answers are based on them describing their skill versus them describing the client's resilience? What I mean by this is. Do they say that the mechanism for change is all of the work that they do as the therapist? Are they focused mostly on how great they are or how many people they've helped? Do they mention the work that clients put in how strong they think their clients are?
Are they either fully licensed or provisionally licensed under supervision, depending on their state's requirements? Or are they someone who is a coach or is practicing psychotherapy but does not have the appropriate training and background?
Unfortunately, there is very little standardization across the United States and the world when it comes to therapist titles and what different therapists do in general. In the United States, you want to look for somebody who has the word, "licensed" in their title. So for example, I'm a Licensed Professional Counselor.
There's nothing wrong with working with people who are doing their post-graduate work, which is sometimes called candidacy, associate, or residency. These people are still in their training phase, but they have enough education that they aren't going to harm you and they can be very, very good. They're also under supervision by somebody who is fully licensed and experienced.
What you want to avoid is people who have put their shingle out as a life coach or say that they do psychotherapy without any kind of licensure. In some states, including Colorado, this is actually somewhat legal to do. But just because it's legal doesn't mean that they know what they're doing. If you're looking for counseling in Colorado Springs, make sure you find somebody who is a licensed counselor, marriage and family therapist, psychologist, or social worker in Colorado.
Another red flag is if they do not have specialized training in your area that you need, and they feel that that's not an issue and that they can help you anyway.
For instance, I have advanced training in complex trauma treatment. My advanced training includes EMDR, parts work, and other trauma treatment modalities that are focused on the neurobiological aspects of treatment and helping somebody learn to identify their survival responses and develop skills to counteract them. I have taken multiple courses outside of grad school in trauma. And I have been supervised by a trauma specialist for two years. I am an expert on trauma and it's treatment.
I am not a fertility expert. While I have worked with people who have had perinatal mood disorders and I have training in perinatal mood disorders, I have not worked with somebody who struggles with fertility. Nor have I had training in that. If you wanted support with managing fertility. And you asked me how I would help with it. My answer would be I don't have any specific training. I would not say, "oh well, it's no different from anything else. We can figure that out together." If you ask if somebody can help you with trauma, substance abuse, fertility, or anything else, and they give you an answer like that, run.
If you're in Colorado Springs and you're looking for a counselor, feel free to reach out to me. I do offer a 15-minute consultation and I'm happy to answer any of the questions listed above as well as any other questions that you have. There’s no obligation, so reach out today!