Five Ways to Manage Frustration
"You don't get frustration because of events. You get frustrated because of your beliefs." - Albert Ellis
Everyone experiences frustration. It is part of the human experience. For high-performers, perfectionists, and overachievers, frustration can often be intense. There are many opportunities for frustration when your goal is absolute excellence. But, it's important to note that frustration can get in the way of performing. It saps your energy and blocks your ability to see things clearly. Successful performers learn to manage their frustration. Here are five ways that performers and achievers manage frustration.
1 - Refocus
When we are frustrated, we tend to ruminate on it. We think about the source of the frustration over and over. This is a natural process, as the human brain evolved to be a problem-solver. That rumination is an attempt to solve a problem. It doesn't work, though, because the problem may not be solvable. It may be beyond our control. It may be something that's already in the past. When we fixate on solving an unsolvable problem, we get stuck.
Instead of thinking about the source of the frustration over and over again, choose to refocus. Focus on where you are in this moment. What you are doing. What the next steps are. Refocusing on something that you can control and change gives your brain a chance to solve the problem. Once you find a solution, you'll find that the frustration melts away.
2 - Reframe
What about the times when there is no solution? When you have no control? When the race is lost, the account is lost, and when you can't change it? In this case, reframe. Instead of thinking of having lost, reframe it as a learning opportunity. Reframe it as an opportunity for growth. Reframe doesn't ignore the truth - losing is not pleasant - but it allows you to take in all the factors involved. Whatever is causing frustration is truly annoying, but there is something to be gained. Reframing helps you to find it.
3 - Walk away
If reframing doesn't work, walk away. Either literally walk away or figuratively walk away. Create a mental place of calm where you can go when you need to calm down. Go there. Think about something completely different. Go to a quiet place in your mind, even if it's only for a few minutes. That can be enough to break out of the frustrating thoughts.
4 - Find a solution
Sometimes frustration comes from being overwhelmed with how difficult something is. Often when we break large goals down into small tasks, we feel like they are attainable and the frustration melts away. For example, when you think about cleaning an entire kitchen you may feel overwhelmed. You may feel frustrated because there isn't enough time, because you're tired, because it isn't exciting. So, break it down into parts. Clean the counters. Put the dishes in the dishwasher. Sweep the floor. Take out the trash. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes for each task, and suddenly it's less overwhelming. When we break something down into it's parts, we can alleviate much of the frustration.
5 - Radical Acceptance
Sometimes the only thing we can do is accept the situation. When something is outside our control, when it's happened in the past, when it isn't changeable, we become frustrated because we are attempting to solve unsolvable problems. Radical acceptance simply means that we accept that we cannot change the situation, and stop trying to solve the unsolvable. Acceptance isn't always fun, but when we truly accept situations as they are, the anxiety melts away. It is what it is. When all else fails, try radical acceptance.
Feeling stuck? Therapy can help
You can learn these skills on your own, but working with a trained, compassionate therapist who understands what you are going through can make anxiety treatment much smoother and more efficient. If you’re curious about therapy or have questions, feel free to click the button below to email me a question or set up your free 15-minute consultation.