My Trauma Isn’t Bad Enough
"I don't understand why I act this way. Nothing bad has ever happened to me."
"I know I shouldn't feel this way. I should be grateful that I've had a great life."
"Bad things happen to everyone. I should just get over it."
"My trauma isn't bad enough."
As a therapist specializing in working with perfectionism, anxiety, and workaholics, I often hear people say that "my trauma isn't bad enough." They may even understand that they have trauma symptoms, such as hypervigilance, nightmares, flashbacks, or difficulty connecting with others, yet they still believe that whatever they experienced wasn't enough to create these symptoms. Instead, they just assume that there's something wrong or broken about them, and that they aren't worthy of their pain. If you have ever thought "my trauma isn't bad enough" keep reading.
Trauma is subjective
There is not a single definition of trauma.* The human brain doesn't bother to decide if an event meets cultural definitions of trauma before experiencing trauma symptoms. Trauma is typically associated with abuse or with life-or-death situations. But trauma can also include emotional neglect, perceived abandonment, loss of a relationship with someone who is still alive, bullying, and social rejection. If you experienced something that feels like a traumatic event to you, then it is a trauma.
Trauma is different for everyone
Someone else's trauma doesn't negate your experiences. There is always someone who has experienced something worse. That doesn't invalidate your experience. Many of us know someone who has experienced something horrific and appears to have been relatively unaffected by it. That doesn't necessarily mean that it didn't affect them, nor does it mean that you are weak or bad if something "better" caused you significant pain. Here are some reasons why their reaction may be different:
They were at a different age and stage of development when the event occurred
They had caregivers who were able to offer the support they needed at the time
They are affected, but have become good at hiding it
They had good therapy and were able to process and heal from it
Your emotions and reactions are valid, and are not defined by anyone else's experience.
If you are suffering at all, then it is "bad enough."
Too many people suffer in silence because they think that their feelings are wrong, and that whatever they have lived through isn't enough to justify the pain, anxiety, and sadness that they feel. Emotions are valid. Reactions are valid. No one chooses to experience emotional pain or to struggle with their mental health. If you are struggling to let go of the past, or if you feel like the bad things that have happened have followed you through life, that is enough. You don't need to justify your pain. If you broke your leg, would you avoid going to the doctor because someone else in the world broke both of their legs? No. Pain is enough reason for you to reach out for help.
If you are interested in trauma therapy that is designed specifically for perfectionists, workaholics, athletes, veterans, and other high-achievers, click on the contact button below. You can email me a question or schedule a free 15-minute consultation. There's no obligation, so reach out today.
*The American Psychological Association provides a general definition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders V, but this is only used when diagnosing a trauma-related disorder for insurance purposes.